Welcome to the AMADY’s 2015!

The Redline awards for those who made a special contribution to the Iran deal.

award

With the ink drying on a nuclear deal, no doubt many in Iran and the West are to be honoured for their role in such an historic agreement. The Supreme Leader has heaped praise on the Iranian negotiating team and President Rouhani has certainly not been shy about saying what a great deal it is

Indeed it is true that some Iranian officials played a huge personal role in making a deal happen, Head of the AEOI Ali Akbar Salehi deserves praise for bringing us the first Iranian-US double act in years with the Ali and Ernie show. Reza Najafi the long suffering Iranian permanent representative to the UN in Vienna is another for putting everyone up on his couch for a few months. Last but not least is Foreign Minister Zarif for just continuing to show up every day when he must have felt like calling in sick. All of these men stood up to be counted in the face of huge pressure at home and abroad. They deserve praise for that.

But Redline thinks there’s a separate group of individuals who deserve to be honoured. A special set of awards for a group of individuals so detached from reality that their demands and behaviour almost made Iranian negotiators walk away from a deal altogether. It’s time for the AMADy’s 2015!

Lenny

We spent a lot of time assessing the options and choosing the categories. We could have gone for ‘Best hair’ – clearly Ernie Moniz, or ‘Best use of the hotel balcony’ which is Zarif’s all day long, but it’s the categories you won’t have read about that interest us the most, the awards that were decided by behind the scenes behaviour.

While there was a lot of buzz around Lenny, the Redline academy has made its choices, and the winner is…

Best back seat driver award

As with all of these awards there was real competition here. We could easily have picked the top dog himself, Supreme Leader Khamenei for his less than helpful rhetoric during the closing stages of negotiations. But there was only one real winner and Redline is delighted to announce that it is none other than our favourite failed nuclear mastermind Mohsen Fakhrizadeh (محسن فخری زاده).

Fakhrizadeh, in the words of Rick Astley, was never going to give U235 up easily and so it proved as he continually harassed Iran’s negotiating team throughout July while endlessly worrying about all that stuff he didn’t clean up properly, keep secret or successfully finish over a decade ago. Redline presumes that in true Fakhrizadeh tradition he then complained to them all again when the Defense Minister told him to stop bothering them .

Most ironic job title award

This was a solo category with only one nominee, Mansur Asgari, head of SPND’s Shahid Avini, or Peace Studies Group. Asgari, who as far back as 2006 was linked to Iran’s nuclear weapons programme, is now a senior SPND official in a department Redline has already shown undermining several international treaties such as the CTBT. That Asgari would be allowed to go within 1,000 miles of the negotiating team, let alone directly contribute to the text, was never going to be helpful in getting a deal done.

Glorified postman award

Only one winner here and that’s Seyed Ahmad Mirzaei who was a looming figure throughout the talks. A quick Google search shows that he fills the suitably vague role of ‘Advisor to the Ministry of Defense’ in Iran and has represented his country at events like the OPCW (which deals with Chemical Weapons) and BWC (Biological Weapons), and has been doing so for well over a decade. Pretty likely then that Mirzaei has some strong ties into SPND who hold the Chem/Bio portfolio, it would be no surprise then if he stuck his nose into the PMD issue during the JCPOA talks either. Redline expects he managed to personally enrage the Iranian negotiators by delivering a set of out of touch demands from his friends in SPND and continued to annoy those dealing with the agreement on behalf of Fakhrizadeh and Asgari right up until it was signed.

That’s it for another year. Congratulations to all of the winners, you really are the worst.

We will be sending the awards out to the winners and we’ve asked them all to record us an acceptance speech, after all the world really does deserve to hear from them.

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